Changing everything...

For the past 2 weeks I've been in Penang on medical leave. A lot had happened. It all somehow looks like its linked together.

I've made up my mind that I must move forward rather than being like this forever. What's the point if I care and the opposite side don't even give a shit? It's no point being sad over things like this. If they don't care, why should I?

From now on, no matter whether if it's a normal friend, best friend or even family for that sake, if the don't care, so do I. Don't expect me to find you guys for fun or just to hangout, it's wasting my time and that's the one thing I need the most.

I'm sick and tired of all the fake promises and conversations that we're having. I'm not putting any expectation on anything anymore. I'm just gonna live my life day by day till the time comes.

At this point of life, I don't need any fake friends. I just want the ones that are sincere and promise to be by my side when I need them the most. Hope there are still a few out there.

Anyways, gonna start work again next week. Let's hope everything goes smooth from now on :)
Bye!

Growing up is hard.

Taking the road less traveled is fun and all, but I often wish I had done things the "normal" way.

Doing things the normal way would involve:

1. missing high school.

I don't. Seriously. Eff that shit. The only people who miss high school are the ones who had a better life there than they do now which shouldn't be anyone's goal in life! Life should keep getting better and better (as a whole - don't count the speed bumps and rough patches).

2. going to a private college in Subang.

"Normal" is only applicable if you grew up and went to school in Malaysia, preferably the Klang Valley; had music lessons, a truckload of tuition and belong to super-Asian parents that strongly believe that the solution to a great life is through tertiary education. Please note that super-Asian parents have a very boring idea of "a great life".

3. finishing your degree and working in Malaysia.

Even if you graduated overseas, you still somehow end up here. What gives?

4. working a 9-5 job.

And blowing all your money on superficial and materialistic wants.

5. I have very few friends.

Sure, I know a lot of people, but very few are considered *friends*. I would have made more solid friends if I had gone to college here, and most people at work aren't exactly nice to "the kid". It doesn't help that I've also recently stopped talking to the person I was closest to in the last year.

6. neither here nor there = nowhere.

At work, I'm too immature and among my old schoolmates, I'm too "old". I don't get to spend as much time as I'd like to with the people I've grown to call friends cause it's not like I spend a lot of classtime with them.

7. I'm going to be that "old guy" in college.

No need to elaborate. I'm just not looking forward to that bit.

8. making your own money means paying for EVERYTHING yourself, and understanding the value of money.

So now I'm at this stupid crossroad where I don't know what I'm doing with myself or what I actually want to do with my life. I'm not inspired by anything and I feel like doing nothing. But by doing nothing I feel like I'm wasting my youth away.

I've been telling everyone more or less the same thing, about how I don't know what I'm doing with my life and all that. Everyone's usual reply is "it's okay. Neither do I," and that makes me feel better about myself, especially when they're significantly older. Only one girl said "awww" which left me feeling extremely dumbfounded and jealous that she has it all figured out.

I don't think most of what I've said applies to most people. And if you want to be comforting and say "I can relate", please don't. I hate people who lie.

But this is my blog, and what I say doesn't represent any station, so I've decided that I can say whatever the fuck I want.

For now, at least.

Let's hope no more next time

Just got home from what I can say as one of my wildest day. Was so close to loose someone who means the world to me.

Sigh.... Yes, I think too much some of the time, I felt abandon, left out and stuff like that for certain reasons. I guess maybe I was expecting too much from you? Nevertheless, I totally understand your situation. It's hard stay focus and be happy right now. I was wrong for judging you too.

I've learned that 1st rule of being a good friend is don't judge. You can't build true friendship upon initial judgement. I guess what I'm trying to say here is I really care for you a lot and when things around you get bad and me not knowing it, I tend to think something negative. I'm sorry for that.

For a few hours today, I realize that loosing you would be the worst thing that could ever happen in my life. It sucks so bad that I cant even think straight! It was a stupid decision I made when I was angry and I truly regret it till this very moment :( I can't imagine life without a person like you. My future will be so empty and pointless.

Anyway, thank god everything got sorted out and things are back to the way it is. I really hope this kind of stupidity will never ever cross my mind again. If you're reading this, I hope you forgive me. It was really harsh on you. I really regret it. And please do keep in mind,I will always care for you, love you and support you like you're my own sister. I will always be there for you. Good times, bad times, anytime! I'll always have your back and support you no matter what. I can't afford to lose you. Just that few hours today is like hell to me. I can't imagine what happen if it is longer.

Enough said, I hope and pray we'll be friends forever!!! :')

Sorry and good night :)