Dear girl....

Dear Girl Who Walked Away,

It’s not like you weren’t aware of what you were getting yourself into. He told you he was nice. He trusted easily and gave you all he could when he could.

The nice guy believes in doing things right. He was there when you needed him to be, and he went out of his way to make sure you knew just how much you could mean to someone.

We live in a generation where we all have to wear masks and play parts to make it through the battlefield of dating in the 21st century. There is no such thing as giving it your all.

We like quotes on Facebook and post things on Instagram stating we want the masochist one day and the romantic the next. We play these games where being available can only happen sometimes, and playing hard-to-get must be our number one priority. Why?

I thought the ultimate goal was to eventually settle down. I mean, what is the point of dating if you have no desire for it to go anywhere? If a one-night stand is what you’re looking for, leave the good guys alone and toy within the levels you lay down.

Save yourself time and energy because the good guy isn’t going to make it easy to just walk away. The good guy cares, so he’ll get his explanation from you even though he knows it’ll be a load of bull.

Every girl says she likes the asshole because he’s the challenge — the one she must break, train and force to be more than just a douchebag. Have you ever thought, however, maybe you were the girl in need of learning what it means to actually feel again?

You went through something, like we all do, and because of it you changed. It’s normal and heartbreak happens, but the next asshole didn’t fix what the first one did; he kept it the same or made it worse. His priority was not you and couldn’t be you. So now you’re bitter and closed off from anything remotely more satisfying than a one-night stand.

I won’t deny that the asshole is fun or that a good time isn’t promised with him, but when it’s all said and done, is it ever more than just a good time? Probably not.

In fact, the asshole has a charm about him; it’s the charm you justify your pursuit with. You say, “There’s just something about him.” However, it’s probably the same quality that ended up hurting you in the past.

So you tried to push the nice guy away. When he wouldn’t go away, you pushed harder. Still, he didn’t give up and every time you pushed harder, he pulled you in even more.

He ignored your fears and forced you to grow; he fought for your passions when you were too busy writing them off. He forgot your wants and focused on everything you needed. Then you walked away because he was too nice.

He gave you too much of everything you wanted, and life got too easy. You wanted conflict and hardship as if everything else in life did not promise you an endless journey of just that. This is where you failed.

The nice guy has been hurt, too, he just chose to stay nice. He learned that different people were going to provide him different things in life. The nice guy also chose not to let any of it change who he was.

So, he let you walk away and he called it a day. Everyone always says there are plenty of fish in the sea, and he let you go knowing this, even though it hurt.

What you don’t know is that someone else is out there, and she won’t be as foolish you. When you realize all you really want is the nice guy who cares about you too much, it’s going to be too late. Some other girl will be able to see how great he is, and she won’t waste a minute.

So you lost your Ted Mosby and, I promise, to him you were Robin. The nice guys are there to give you a break, a light to something more than the games we identify our generation with.

He may have loved you too soon and it was too crazy and too much, but guys like Mosby don’t happen every day; they happen never. He got you the blue French horn, and he made you feel love when love was no longer a part of your vocabulary. You were now saying “I love you” again and remembering what it felt like.

He was the guy you were supposed to end up with, who makes everything change. I just wish you’d see it before another girl does because at the end of the day, everyone, including the nice guy you don’t deserve, is rooting only for you.

Awkwardly stupid

So, AJ's birthday is in a few days time and I haven't get her a present yet. Typical la.... Always wait for last minute only rush.

Last week she told me she bought a longchamp bag from her company. Then yesterday when she went to office to collect it, it seems got miscommunication and they sold the bag to someone else. 

So I thought, since now she got no bag then I can buy for her lo as present. So I actually place an order. They say they will deliver on the 26 which is perfect la. So I agree to it and made payment. Then right after that, AJ told me that the company let her buy but another color. I was like WTF!!! Means my money burn for nothing ?!?? Then at last today they refund my money but minus 15% which is not bad actually.

Worst thing is, I was suppose to text a friend about the refund thing and up texting AJ instead. Thank god she didn't realize. Well I guess now, all I have to do is to find another present for her. Hope can succeed! :D

Signing off,

Vik

Final goodbye

So this afternoon I finally decided to discard every letter that is written from you. I believe is time to move on and get over it. No matter what I do, I'll still won't be able to get you back. I still miss you badly everyday and I don't think anyone can replace you. Burning your letter does not mean forgetting you, it's turning into a new chapter in life and accepting you're no more here. I do believe when the time comes, we'll be together again. Till then, hope you're happy up there and see you soon.

Be yourself?

If you actually bother about everyone's word in your life, you'll end up becoming insane or fake. Reason being, we are not perfect, no one is. We can't expect everyone to say the things we wanna hear. Being ourself is never easy, this means we need to suck it up and do the things we like regardless of what other people feels or thinks. It is out life and no one will feel sad for you when you're sad because our sad story is like the topic after dinner, no one cares about it!

Le 23rd Birthday!

Yeah... I know I'm late by about 2 months? Anyways, my birthday was kick ass awesome. It started as a joke to celebrate it for the whole week, turns out it actually happened :)
I kick start it with Kelly & Isabel and then celebrate it in office. Later in at night was drinking with cousins, seems like its impossible to run away from them😒 Later on the few days were celebrating with clients and vendors. And during the weekends I went back to Penang to celebrate it with the besties! So there was Shin Chiou, Steve, Cherry & her BF Alvin.
We had lunch and the rest of the day was just me and Shin Chiou. We did mall hopping as usual and although it was tiring, it's definitely worth it! Owh ya! One more thing! Towards end of the month, I received a present from Shin Chiou! It's Ted and he curse! One of the best i wished for. Really appreciate it!
Well, that basically sums up everything that happened in my birthday month. Pictures are really limited, so just use your imagination la. Will have a couple more post conning up this evening. Stay tuned~

23 soon

Time definitely flies.
So last year was a very, very quiet birthday.
Never really had a birthday party like the official one since I was 9!
So this year, mommy is letting be organise a small birthday party but I can only invite close friends.
Well, better than nothing right? Problem is, who can be consider close friends and how many are there actually?
That's what my mom asked which left me speechless because I don't really know.
It'll be a barbecue on the 16th at my place, and when I say my place, I mean Penang :)
Hope it'll be fun and this will also give me a chance to show my parents that my friends are actually all good and are totally not what they imagine.
Everything is still in planning stage, lets hope mom will give the final approval soon.

Still in the office!!! got to get back to work! See you after my birthday :)

Reachable resolutions

There is no way in hell I'm suddenly going to work out three times a week or start sleeping human hours or stop being angry at everyone and everything. I am not going to miraculously become this perfect person overnight. I doubt I will be extra religious or charitable this year. Some things will never change and I'm too wise and lazy to bother trying. But maybe, just maybe, I can improve on some things; and maybe so can you!

1. work a little harder.

I remember, when growing up, people would always say "study smart, not study hard", which in retrospect was a dumbass thing to teach children. Studying smartly is a given - what you need to do is study hard as well. I've realised that if you give something just a liiiiiiiittle more effort, that one last ooomph, you can achieve so so so much more than if you hadn't put in that extra effort.

It's no secret that I don't enjoy university and wish I didn't have to do it, but a degree is better than none.
Hard work never hurt anyone, and now I'm just gonna work harder.

2. make time for family...

Have to go home more often I guess :)

3. ... and friends!

Who are worth it! There's no need to waste time with pretentious people, but don't forget the friends who are there when you've got massive food cravings at 3am and the ones who cuddle and drive you home when you burst out crying in public. The most important ones are the sweethearts who pat your back while you throw up on the side of the road (from car sickness, of course).

4. do more of what you love.

I'd also like to read more. I was thinking about it and I realised I haven't obsessed over a particular book or author in agessss. 2012 had a lot of Nick Hornby - was too depressed with life for anything "deep" this year. Maybe in 2013 I'll stumble upon some extra mindfcking novel and my life will change forever.

I also really really really miss writing. There was once a time where a few people read what I wrote and appreciated what I had to say because it was of actual substance. I also have a collection of bad conversations written in a notebook I seem to have misplaced. I used to tell myself I'd finish writing a book by the time I was 20. It didn't happen so now it's really time to start writing again.
Remember: do more of what you love.

5. make time to watch the sun set.

Sometimes it feels really great to just do nothing for a moment, breathe in, and take in the beauty of the sky and all its glory. For me it feels great all the time and that's why I wish I lived on a cloud.

6. do some soul searching.

2012 left me feeling like I was living the wrong life and hopefully 2013 will bring an end to the identity crisis. You see it on the internet all the time - people saying it's a good idea to step back and think about who you are and what you want to be.

It's funny though. You watch all these movies and read all these novels about people travelling the globe and realising that they had what they wanted all along but I'm sure that isn't always true. Those movies and those novels were just a clichéd way to teach people to be thankful. In 2012, I felt most like myself when I was running in the rain with old friends, lying in bed doing nothing at home.

So 2013 should be for soul searching. More adventures. Doesn't matter to me if it means sitting in a quiet café on the wrong side of town, or getting stranded in a foreign country with no money, or even wasting an evening flying kites with a girl who doesn't love you. Just as long as I never have to spend eight hours on a crowded bus with dirty flies and a sick friend ever again.

Now the next problem is, I need to learn how to make money before I can afford to go on another adventure. Nah.... I'll figure something out.

So may 2013 bring both you and I a lot of love, happiness and more frequent-but-not-so-frequent-that-it-loses-its-magic-and-gets-boring adventures. Happy new year!

A piece of my mind

Well, I did have the "runaway from home"intention in mind for a few months. Reason is a bit stupid for some of you to understand but I'm not asking anyone to support my decision. So just hear me out ok?

Everyone have their problems and worries, so do I... My health is not improving for the pass few months and it's bound to get worst in the near future. To make things worst, I also suffer from mild depression which I'm not really happy about. Tumor is still there, it sucks that once in a while you'll wake up in the middle of the night breathless and in pain. The tumor is not as active as what the doctors said, but at the same time it's impossible to remove it at the moment. I din know how long I have to bare with this pain. Hope it ends soon. :(

Now is the depression part. I won't deny that I get offended or hurt easily compare to normal people. I treat most of my friends the way I hope how other people will treat me. Of course, that's a little bit unfair to say because not everyone have the same thinking. To me, my friends are my life! Without them, life is almost meaningless to me. But once a while, there is this depressing moment where you'll feel that not even one friend is there for you when you need them the most. Those moments are one of the most saddest feeling for me. Frankly speaking, no matter how busy I am or how tired I am, I will always make time for them. But when it comes to my turn that needs their help or just someone to speak too, they are always busy. Of course I'm not pointing at any specific person in detail. If you think you're one of them, then too bad. If you think you're not then good for you and thank you for being there.

I've thought of moving away to somewhere I could start fresh from everything, like work, friends, and health. I don't blame the friends who don't have time for me. It's not their fault also. I'm sure they all have something more important to do. I'm going to change my number starting from next month. To those who have my number, that's because I want you to continue to be in my life. You make meaningful for me to continue everyday. And for the ones who don't have it, well... Guess that's goodbye for us then. Don't be sad. I'm sure without me will be much better and less trouble free right? No one will bug you in future already :)

This won't be my last post, but it'll definitely be the last time talking about how pathetic life is. I won't expect anything from anyone anymore, cuz that will just probably end up in disappointment which is not what I want right now. If really my time is near, I would prefer to spend it with people who appreciate me and not people who are always too busy for you but only finds you when they need something. It's really foolish of me going though all these for a year already. It's time to change for good and hopefully I'll have friends which I can really count on in future.

Changing everything...

For the past 2 weeks I've been in Penang on medical leave. A lot had happened. It all somehow looks like its linked together.

I've made up my mind that I must move forward rather than being like this forever. What's the point if I care and the opposite side don't even give a shit? It's no point being sad over things like this. If they don't care, why should I?

From now on, no matter whether if it's a normal friend, best friend or even family for that sake, if the don't care, so do I. Don't expect me to find you guys for fun or just to hangout, it's wasting my time and that's the one thing I need the most.

I'm sick and tired of all the fake promises and conversations that we're having. I'm not putting any expectation on anything anymore. I'm just gonna live my life day by day till the time comes.

At this point of life, I don't need any fake friends. I just want the ones that are sincere and promise to be by my side when I need them the most. Hope there are still a few out there.

Anyways, gonna start work again next week. Let's hope everything goes smooth from now on :)
Bye!

Growing up is hard.

Taking the road less traveled is fun and all, but I often wish I had done things the "normal" way.

Doing things the normal way would involve:

1. missing high school.

I don't. Seriously. Eff that shit. The only people who miss high school are the ones who had a better life there than they do now which shouldn't be anyone's goal in life! Life should keep getting better and better (as a whole - don't count the speed bumps and rough patches).

2. going to a private college in Subang.

"Normal" is only applicable if you grew up and went to school in Malaysia, preferably the Klang Valley; had music lessons, a truckload of tuition and belong to super-Asian parents that strongly believe that the solution to a great life is through tertiary education. Please note that super-Asian parents have a very boring idea of "a great life".

3. finishing your degree and working in Malaysia.

Even if you graduated overseas, you still somehow end up here. What gives?

4. working a 9-5 job.

And blowing all your money on superficial and materialistic wants.

5. I have very few friends.

Sure, I know a lot of people, but very few are considered *friends*. I would have made more solid friends if I had gone to college here, and most people at work aren't exactly nice to "the kid". It doesn't help that I've also recently stopped talking to the person I was closest to in the last year.

6. neither here nor there = nowhere.

At work, I'm too immature and among my old schoolmates, I'm too "old". I don't get to spend as much time as I'd like to with the people I've grown to call friends cause it's not like I spend a lot of classtime with them.

7. I'm going to be that "old guy" in college.

No need to elaborate. I'm just not looking forward to that bit.

8. making your own money means paying for EVERYTHING yourself, and understanding the value of money.

So now I'm at this stupid crossroad where I don't know what I'm doing with myself or what I actually want to do with my life. I'm not inspired by anything and I feel like doing nothing. But by doing nothing I feel like I'm wasting my youth away.

I've been telling everyone more or less the same thing, about how I don't know what I'm doing with my life and all that. Everyone's usual reply is "it's okay. Neither do I," and that makes me feel better about myself, especially when they're significantly older. Only one girl said "awww" which left me feeling extremely dumbfounded and jealous that she has it all figured out.

I don't think most of what I've said applies to most people. And if you want to be comforting and say "I can relate", please don't. I hate people who lie.

But this is my blog, and what I say doesn't represent any station, so I've decided that I can say whatever the fuck I want.

For now, at least.

Let's hope no more next time

Just got home from what I can say as one of my wildest day. Was so close to loose someone who means the world to me.

Sigh.... Yes, I think too much some of the time, I felt abandon, left out and stuff like that for certain reasons. I guess maybe I was expecting too much from you? Nevertheless, I totally understand your situation. It's hard stay focus and be happy right now. I was wrong for judging you too.

I've learned that 1st rule of being a good friend is don't judge. You can't build true friendship upon initial judgement. I guess what I'm trying to say here is I really care for you a lot and when things around you get bad and me not knowing it, I tend to think something negative. I'm sorry for that.

For a few hours today, I realize that loosing you would be the worst thing that could ever happen in my life. It sucks so bad that I cant even think straight! It was a stupid decision I made when I was angry and I truly regret it till this very moment :( I can't imagine life without a person like you. My future will be so empty and pointless.

Anyway, thank god everything got sorted out and things are back to the way it is. I really hope this kind of stupidity will never ever cross my mind again. If you're reading this, I hope you forgive me. It was really harsh on you. I really regret it. And please do keep in mind,I will always care for you, love you and support you like you're my own sister. I will always be there for you. Good times, bad times, anytime! I'll always have your back and support you no matter what. I can't afford to lose you. Just that few hours today is like hell to me. I can't imagine what happen if it is longer.

Enough said, I hope and pray we'll be friends forever!!! :')

Sorry and good night :)

English is a crazy language

Reflecting back

When I met you for the 1st time, i didn't know we'll end up being best friends. My 1st impression on you was very bad.

But you prove me wrong. You show me how a real friend should care and love each other. I learn a lot from you. You were the best for me. You know all my secrets good and also bad.

You were always there for me no matter what time of the day it is. I really appreciate that. But you changed recently, I start hearing rumors about you. Honestly, I never believe one of them because I know you won't do that. Looks like I was let down this time. It is really unacceptable for me. I really wish I had never know a girl like you. You were a big part of my life. All those sad and happy moments you were always there. I miss you and I hate you at the same time! I hope you don't do this to other of our friends.

You have my word, I won't tell them about this. If anyone of them ask I'll create something up because the truth is really hard to accept. I hope you'll have a good life ahead and also hope that you'll change and loose all these bad habit you have. Take care...

Predicted?

Well, you just have to know from the beginning right? I never ask you to care or anything like that. Just be yourself. If you don't wanna be friends, it's cool. No one force you. I never know you will be so fake to me.

I trust you fully, you are one my best friend ever! It's really heart breaking to find out something like this. I don't even know wether to believe what you're saying or feeling right now. It could be fake out again right? I'm just disappointed. I hope i will never ever see you again. And don't worry, I'm not gonna tell our friends about it. Let them find out themselves. Anyways, thanks for all the good memories. Dunno if it's real or not, but thank you and I hope you'll change to be a better girl.

Weekly review

Hey guys, how's the weekend do far? I'm here to write what I encounter this whole week. Actually I can sum up everything in one word... But then, let's just write everything out and see how bad it went.

Was not feeling well and in a mood the whole week.... Monday and Tuesday were very hard to pass, doubts and unsure feelings make it even worst. I wonder when I'll have the courage to actually speak out my mind to that person.

Anyway, then came Wednesday, woke up with a cheerful mindset. I planned to get my father a belated father's day present after work. When I finish work that day, I got no idea hat got in my mind, I decide to take a bus home instead of my usual cab. The bus was pack! I mean like those sardine can type of pack! But nevertheless, I still took the bus. When I got down, I realize that my bag was half open, I lost all my cash and my office phone :( Thank god all my important documents are still there. Told my parents about it and scolded as usual. Well, shot happens, what to do right? I also want to apologize to the people I reply rudely or never reply at during that period of time.... I was really not in the mood and didn't want to talk about it. Thursday was a normal day at work. Everything was slow and nothing much happen.

Woke up to Friday with a very bad headache but still went to office. Struggle throughout the day and was having a really bad time focusing on my work. That night itself I got a fever and Saturday my temperature shoot up to 39.6~ it was just a rest and sleep day for me. Today I'm feeling better compare to yesterday... Just had my brunch and now just relaxing.

Good news is AJ is coming back next week... Can't wait to meet up with her. And we're also planning a vacation. Hope everything goes well la. See you guys soon :)

Test post

Yo!!!
1st time using my blogger app on my phone to post :)

Let's talk a little shall we?
The weekends was great! Saturday night was a wild one! First, met up with Joeyee at Empire Hotel. After that, went on a drinking rampage with friends and cousins ;) lost my memory after 1.30 AM due to multiple shots of tequila! I even drove all the way to Chow Kit for bak kut teh which I can't recall till now ><

The next woke up before noon.... Then went for my 1st RCIA class. After that we had a father's / bachelor's day party at uncle's pub *drink again* but it was fun!!! He eat, drank and danced!!! :) will post a video of my drunk cousin singing "hotel california" in the next post... Till then, stay happy and healthy always :)

By the way, change my blog song... What you guys think? This will be the theme song for me this year :)

Here are the photos of the mentioned events:



Bye!!!!

How did I fall in love with you?

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone

Those days are gone, and I want you so much

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble

I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
What can I do, to make you mine?
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Round and Round

The world is round, the ball is round too. 

Same goes to our life....

What you do now & the way you treat others, 

i believe soonest or later you will get back the same treatment from others. 

This is called "karma".

When you have problems within yourself or surrounding,

 you should sort it out instead of pushing the blame to others...

Random thoughts

I'm just so fuckin' depressed, I just can seem to get out this dump
If only I could just get over this.. 
But I need something to pull me out this dump,
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up

I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this position I'm in

But I know one fact I'll be one tough act to follow

In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We have to take these problems ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sit here and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own~~

New Journey

Waited for this moment for a few years already.

Gonna start it in a few months time.

Hope I'm strong till the end of it.

It's time to leave the bad behind,

move forward with this new blessed life.

TIME TO START FRESH!